I got this nasty ass headache at work. I pulled out my stash of Tylenol Extra Strength (made for occasions such as these) and poured two into my hand. They were the oblong ones with the quick release centre – the best kind to get rid of a headache fast! I popped the first one in, followed it up with some water and swallowed. By ‘popped’ I mean brought my cupped hand up to my face real fast and kinda pop my hand off my chin so the pill goes straight into the back of my mouth. It’s easier to swallow that way. Insert swallow jokes here.
So, I go to ‘pop’ the second one in with the same level of smoothness as the first and the pill launches into my nose. As in straight up my nostril. It was like Tylenol used a mold of my nostril to create the distinct oblong shape that I had previously enjoyed so much. So now I have a pill stuck up my nose, at work and it’s beginning to burn right around where the quick release strip was located.
First of all, I was trying to be discreet about the pill in my nose. I work in an open concept, cubicle/pod type of environment. Thankfully the cubby to my right was empty at the time and we were up against a wall so I didn’t have to suffer the indignity of 15 investigators watching me trying to get the pill out of my nose. Trying to be quiet, I blew – hoping the pill would come shooting out…but it wouldn’t budge! I kept blowing though the rising panic threatened to undo me. All I could remember was a co-worker telling me that she had to bring her son to the ER to have something he stuck up his nose removed.
Picture the ER scene. Enter big fat pregnant lady who appears to be a professional of some sort. Imagine said lady explaining to nurse that she a) had a pill up her nose, b) could not remove it and c) the quick release feature she previously thought was so cool was presently burning her face off from the inside out.
Though several thoughts now cross my mind on how to remove the pill, the panic had already set in and I resorted to literally just digging for it with my fingernails. After some effort I was able to remove the Tylenol from my nose.
I can’t remember if I took that same pill or threw it out and got a new one.
In conclusion, I was just patting myself on the back for getting the pill out of my nose, as well as wondering how to stop the burning when the Director of another unit came to see me about something. The first thing he asked was why my face was so red.
I Rode The Short Bus 